A friend mentioned something to me that got my mind and heart moving… and it prompts this thought of how do you show someone the uniqueness that you see in them? Not the vision on the surface of things, but more the them that lies hidden, yet visible just underneath. How do you reflect that of what you see back to them? And, what is the surface of the very mirror you us composed of? How do you express the beauty that is hidden in plain sight within them, so that they see their value, their worth, in such a way that they too are offered a glimpse of their purpose? This beauty is subjective I know… but the value lies within all of us, and the value itself is perceived in different ways to different people who possess different needs.

How do you show a mirror’s reflection back at someone? How do you show someone how beautiful they are, and what that beauty looks like to you?

There is a U2 song on the new album “No Line on the Horizon” and in the song is titled “Get On Your Boots,” where a lyric sings,

“You don’t know how beautiful you are..
you don’t know, you don’t get it do you?
You don’t know how beautiful you are…”

The truth of this lyric resonate truth… because sometimes we don’t know how to see beauty in ourselves, because we suffer from a condition where we see ourselves everyday, we hear our own inner dialog everyday, and we see all of us everyday, and from a very tight and confining space that is the inside.  Have you ever felt the cramped space on the inside where you can nearly find yourselves suffocating from the weight of yourself pressing inward?  You almost can’t help but to notice the self on the inside if you are being honest… what we could observe are the negatives, the flaws, the areas of deficiency, the areas where we know need improvement. And to add to that, we can’t honestly see the depth of true beauty because what others see is reflective of their heart, their vision, and their unique perspective…. so I wonder how surprising we would find what others find beautiful in us? Would it be what we see, or would it be something that would have never occurred to us? I’m confident that it is the latter.

When we can see the beauty in others, and somehow capture it and send the reflection of it back to them, imagine how freeing that could be?  Think of the awareness that could increase an individual’s vision of them self. Not for a vanity, but for a true view of them to seeing the God carrier that they are, in ways they may not have ever known.

What level of friendship does it require to show another the beauty that is witnessed in them? How exactly do we express the strange or lovely beauty to another? Is there a back door that we must enter through, to protect the information or insight from being dismissed? Is there a side gate that is less traveled into someone’s soul that is the way to enter with this precious gift? Or is it the random entrance all that is required? I know we are all prompted on different levels, and during different times and hours by the Spirit to share, but I know that often, I personally… have not spoken up on the glimpse I have been given into someone’s true beauty. And the consequence of not sharing?  I miss the opportunity to share a hidden in plain sight secret of someone’s soul with them, all from the perspective of the outside looking in. Note to self, look for opportunities to share this life I find in others with them, and be receptive to it if someone unlocks the truths that are hiding inside of my own soul.

I saw this on a fellow stitchers blog… what a beautiful description to keep in mind as I go through deep reflections while stitching… what a picture….

God’s Embroidery

When I was little, my mother used to sew a great deal. I would sit at her knee and look up from the floor and ask what she was doing. She informed me that she was embroidering. As from the underside I watched her work within the boundaries of the little hoop that she held in her hand, I complained to her that it sure looked messy from where I sat. She’d smile at me, look down and gently say, “Son, you go about your playing and when I am finished with my embroidering, I will put you on my knee and let you see it from my side.” I would wonder why she was using some dark threads along with the bright ones and why they seemed so jumbled from my view.

A few minutes would pass and then I would hear Mother’s voice say, “Son come sit on my knee.” This I did only to be surprised and thrilled to see a beautiful flower or sunset. I could not believe it, because from underneath it looked so messy. Then mother would say to me. “My son, from underneath it did look messy and jumbled, but you did not realize that there was a plan on the top. It was a design. I was only following it. Now look at it from my side and you will see what I was doing.”

Many times through the years, I have looked up to heaven and said, “Father what are You doing?” He has answered, “I am embroidering your life.” I say, “But it looks like such a mess to me. It seems so jumbled. The threads seem so dark. Why can’t they all be bright?” The Father seems to tell me, “My child, you go about your business of doing My business, and one day I will bring you to Heaven and put you on my knee and you will see the plan from My side.”

Author Unknown

I’m finding myself hugged tightly by God lately… so tightly that I can hear my back popping and its the bear hug itself that announces to you how much you really needed it, yet didn’t realize that you did until you were embraced into it.  It’s absolutely amazing.  So strong, so complete… it’s the kind that melts away the day (or last couple of years) as if it never occurred, or as if it has no importance in the large scheme of things anyway.  What a power and presence to be swallowed up within.

I love my job… I appreciate what it is, and what I am able to do… and I’m really appreciating who I am placed with.  Such unique and beautiful people, all of them.  Unique God carriers all of them.  Everyday is like a treasure hunt or scavenger hunt, and I am getting clues to things I didn’t know I was hungry to know.

Stitching hasn’t been happening too much, other than to make a stocking for my niece and new baby nephew… what a miracle and precious creature.  Blessing.  Joy.  Tangible grace and love.  Wish I could see and hold.  Will need to get linen to make stockings for my brother and his wife as well…. Wise man… and Angel that they are.

Stitching on Quaker Virtues… have stitched Simplicity all… and had to do some frogging of a border of a top motif that was off by one square.  To punish it I have kept it in the bag for a time out, and ignored it all together… I should forgive my poor stitchery and take responsibility for stitching with tired eyes… I shall forgive it tonight and stitch it again while watching Biden and Palin debate.  I’m really curious to see how it plays out.  Will it be one sided?  Will Sarah have better answers than she has for other interviews?  Will Biden be mellower?  Interesting to say the least.  Which presidential candidate do I support you wonder?  It’s not as obvious as some would automatically assume.

Well… it’s been a long time since I’ve written… I’m sorry bloggy.  I shall not keep so quiet.  I’ve been adjusting though this last month…. to this new schedule, to this new adventure, to this partially new part of me that I am walking into.  It’s been a bit jarring, and a bit freeing, and a bit scary, and a bit beautiful, all wrapped up into one tapestry.  So many colors, so many interesting textures.

I just have to comment and journal to myself that I am seeing so many of God’s unique fingerprints right now… so many things are just too amazing to be coincidence.  I am blessed and full of hope.

In applying for employment at our local University, a friend told me “good luck…” and further went on to explain that a number of people apply repeatedly for positions there, yet fail to get them because they are in such high demand, in addition to the large size of the applicant pool.   So, not only am I up against many many others, but there is also the factor that several of the others are already current employees at USU, which means that they will be given preference if we are even in our experience/education.  This is disheartening to me, but instead of getting mired down by discouragement, I upped my chances by applying to a few more positions… sort of like throwing everything I can at the wall to see what sticks.  I thought I’d get an inside look at what exactly the procedure is, and inquired with my adviser from college.  He suggested that I simply try to get my foot in the door, with whatever position I could get, and then I can move laterally or upwardly when other avenues open up.  He also said that because I am overqualified for the positions that I am applying for, I may not be considered as strongly for the job.  Because after all, wouldn’t someone who is overqualified take the position and then be in hot pursuit of a better opportunity?   So, I guess if I get an interview I will need to express that I do have longevity, despite being “overqualified.”

And overqualified… that seems to sound like such a funny thing… because obviously I want the job, otherwise I would not apply, and if I want the job, I believe I have the qualifications to do it well.  What makes me overqualified you might ask?  A Bachelors degree instead of an Associates degree.  A rotten piece of paper is all.  And, it’s a piece of paper that does not afford me any positions that pays more than the positions I am applying for at the University!

So there you have it.  I am going to throw until something sticks.  And yes, I know I throw like a girl, but it’s not about how you throw, it’s about the consistency of throwing that counts.  And what am I throwing?  Me! : )

In all of this I am sure God will surprise me… after all, Moses just wanted to be a shepherd, and God instead said to him that He wanted him to be a mouthpiece for God, a prophet.  And Paul… a Jew who would be perfect to speak to the Jews on their level, but instead God sends him to the gentiles.  Then there’s Peter, a fisherman and not that educated, who would have be perfectly suited to minister to the gentiles, yet instead, God sent him to minister to the Jews.  So what of me?  Perhaps I’m throwing all of this at the wall to see what sticks, and instead God’s going to do something totally different.  We’ll see… we’ll see.  I know that God is a God of abundance, and there is plenty to go around.  Perhaps God is going to throw me at a wall and watch if I stick.

What is impossible for people is possible with God.
~ Luke 18:27

Listened to a wonderful message and reminder, by Jeanne Stevens, titled The Long Way Around:  Why God Waits.  Jeanne’s message goes straight to my heart… reminding us of how our waiting is purposeful, even if our perspective does not always see it as such.   She reminds us that God loves waiting, and that we are the ones who struggle with it, and that God sees waiting differently than we do.  We see it as an in between place, in between where we are and where we think we want to be… while God on the other hand sees it with the perspective of a transformative place.  Jeanne said that God is in the wait.  At the end, Jeanne mentioned a quote by author of “When the Heart Waits”, Sue Monk Kidd that was very stirring to me:

Transformations come, only as we go the long way around. Only as we’re willing to walk a different, longer, more arduous, more inward, more prayerful route. When you wait, you’re deliberately choosing to take the long way. To go eight blocks instead of four, trusting that there’s a transforming discovery lying along the way.

A while ago, a friend of mine talked about taking the back roads and how he actually preferred them as they in and of themselves were quite possibly the link to inspiration or a deeper quiet that needed to be inhaled. How often do we realize those opportunities?

Waiting…
waiting…
experiencing what is in the wait…
finding God’s presence and purpose as we struggle with our inability to rest in the wait…
not forcing our own solution, or confine God into a toothpick box…
Just wait…

Can we refocus our eagerness into a wonder? Into a sweet anticipation? The wait is the link to a portion of our hearts transformation. What a great message.

I was listening again to a message by the awesome Shane Hipps, titled “Cats Don’t Bark” …. covering 1 Samuel 18.  It is so, so, so worth the listen.   It’s on our calling in this world, on our ability to listen to this call, heed it, and live it.  Every time we do what we are made to do, we will bless the world most. Are we seeking to become and do the very thing God made us for?  The world is waiting for us to be who God made us to be.  Just as Tiger Woods picked up a golf club and does what he is made to do, with the tool designed for his gift, we too have something specific that God has equipped us to give, that fits the specific need that the world around us has the ache, longing, and need for.  We likely won’t be Tiger, we won’t be Lance Armstrong, we won’t be Bill Gates, but we still have something so unique, so specifically designed for us to give, that if we don’t give it, the world will be less than blessed, because we didn’t give what was specifically ours to give.  This message is followed by another message called Stop Depriving Us… which is also so interesting & thought provoking!

So, here is where I’m at with my Quaker Virtues… I’ve got “tegrity” and tonight I will hoop it and stitch the “in” into “integrity”   I’m moving along.  I see one error, but I’m not telling where it is.  I couldn’t figure out where I counted wrong, so I left it.  It won’t bother me too bad, unless someone spots it and tells me, haha.

My mom is flying in on her broom on Saturday in preparation for my laparoscopy on Tues.   I feel so at peace over this and knowing that I won’t have to think about this much longer.

I listened to a really great message yesterday by Brad Nelson called “Redefining Hope” that was so good.   This message is only about 35 minutes long, and you could skip the intro.  It prompted so much thought in my heart and a deep discussion with God.

I have fretted, and I’m exhausted.  Fretting seems a little less organized than worrying to me, kind of like several trains of thought running wayward all at one time at reckless speeds.  Fretting is not helpful.

Amazing how just making a decision on something can solve the fretting issue.  The decision I have made is to have my cyst removed, and to be free from the thought of it after on the 22nd of July.  I won’t have to worry about it every time I sit and feel it, or when I am pushing the lawn mower around the backyard and it’s making itself known in my belly.   I won’t have to give it a second thought once it’s gone and out of MY body.  I am choosing a doctor who seems experienced and intelligent, and I am going to put faith and trust in him and the divine appointments that have brought this cyst to light, and for the pain that it has caused.  Pain is a signal, a warning, and I am going to take heed of this warning and treat it.  The doctor will remove it laproscopically, and I’ll be on my merry way enjoying the rest of the summer with quick healing, and eating a Blizzard because my mom will come out to give any help with the kids or home while I recoup for a couple days.  It shouldn’t take long at all from what I have read, so I am going to mostly use the time as an excuse to stitch and play with my mom and kids.

I feel relieved knowing that it will be gone, and now I don’t have to fret.  Notice:  don’t have to.  Still could- but don’t have to.  Fretting is useless and it gives me a headache and it allows God some chill out time while He watch and waits for me to realize it’s lack of futility, and then He continues to wait until I cast my burdens fully upon Him.

I’m casting now.

I have good stitching days and not so good stitching days.  Yesterday on our 2 hr. drive to the funeral I stitched, then I had to frog all that I just put in (about half a motif on QV) because I had started it in the wrong spot, because I stitched an extra bit on the other motif I was counting off of.  DOH!

As I stitched, and unstitched yesterday, and a-gain today, I realized that sometimes God has to unstitch things I stitch into my life, because I counted wrong, or went mindlessly where I should have been paying more attention to the details.  I also noticed that when my thread becomes tangled, and I have to spend the better part of 5 minutes figuring out how to untangle it so that my needle can move freely, I feel like I connect to God, because He regularly does this for me.   I get going too fast or I get caught up in things or in emotions, and time and again, I get stuck.  I find myself in a tangle.  My needle is not moving freely in life, and I’m motionless waiting for help to arrive.  It’s funny to notice that He slows me down, takes His sweet and precious time, and helps me unravel what it was that got me all jumbled up.  Usually He doesn’t grow impatient and just cut the tread and start over, but moreso, He sees where the hangup or knot is and He unweaves one strand at a time while I watch.  

It’s good to get unraveled and untangled so I can move freely again.  I’m present today, seeing where my need for unraveling is, and I’m connecting to a God who knows a thing or two about stitching if you can believe it.