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My little boy today said the most brilliant thing…..
Alec: “Mommy?”
Me: “Yes, honey?”
Alec: “We should listen to God!” “Right?” as if to make sure I agreed with his thought…
Me: “Yes, we should… He’s talking to us all the time…” I’m lovin’ Alec’s observation and his heart to remember this all… when he breaks in with the most brilliant reminder…
Alec: “Yep, He is… but sometimes we interrupt Him.”
so so true…
so so true…
++God… thank you for still speaking to me even though I interrupt you constantly with my own insignificant questions, ideas, and complaints. Please grow me into an adult who can stay tuned into your Voice and your whispers into my life… I’m desperate to grow out of this phase of seemingly short attention spans to what you’re trying to teach me, and where you might be trying to lead me deeper. Thank you Father… thank you… again and again.++
How do you see? How is your vision? 20/20? Less? More?? And hindsight? How about that? Even in retrospect our vision can be measured can’t it? I’m sitting with something kneading in my heart…
Do I see micro? Or do I see macro? Or do I fluctuate in between the vast range between the two? Many times I can see what others see… some view too macro… too large and grand, and they miss the little details right at the tip of their nose. While others, see things too closely and miss all that is in the larger picture before the lens finder. What puzzles me, is that I can see [read: make a perception] of what I think others can see… either micro or macro… yet I can’t quite tell how I see.
Of course I’d like to say that I miss nothing… but we all know the fallacy in that. You don’t know what you’ve missed in the micro view or macro until you reflect on it with your hindsight. And even then, is your hindsight 20/20? Or is it still dependant on your lens? Do we take in every detail from the moving picture before us? Is it even possible?
++I wish Lord to let you be the lens and filter through which I see others and the world. I pray for the vision, clarity, and scope through which You’re eyes are trained to. I want to see in each problem and each occasion, with eyes of discernment and crispness. Sharpen my depth of perception, sharpen my ability to see the composition that You place in each frame. Draw my eyes in every given moment… take my vision and make it like Your own. Enable the shutter of my eyes to respond to aperture in which you set. Allow my focus to not be blurred, or Lord, blurred in only the ways in which serve You. Lend me Your vision Lord… show me where Jesus is living all around me… in others, through others, and for others. Sharpen my senses and my perceptions, surround me and engulf me with all that You are…++
Maybe part of my fear or inability to pray boldly, loudly, and to feel free to dream with God, are founded in unbelief or disbelief of what God IS capable of. Not out of rebellion mind you, but just the immaturity of my heart in places. hmmm….
I’m in several books right now, picking up whichever is closest when I have a few minutes… some get left on my bedside at night, and during the day my daughter naps in my bed, so I can’t easily go and pick up where I left off the night before. So today, I had “Intercessory Prayer” by Dutch Sheets, closest to me which I’ve been wanting to get into, but so far this was my first opportunity.
In my current season, I’m feeling called repeatedly to prayer, yet at the same time, I sometimes feel so unequipped to answer the call because I don’t have a vocabulary to express what I truly want. Or actually, now that I stop to think about it, maybe I am just afraid of asking in boldness, or asking for things in my right mind I dare not even imagine. I limit myself, and worse yet, I limit God by not trusting Him enough to pray loud and hard. I think my prayers are affected by my small mind struggeling to grasp the reaches of prayer. How much should I ask? How far should I let my imagination go with the lead of the Holy Spirit to be swept away with a prayer that is alive with desire and love? Not only do the reaches of prayer confuse me, but so does the persistancy. What does it mean to be persistant in prayer? I’m sure that I have never been truly persistant… but I’m so willing to learn. In this book, Sheets says “A lack of endurance is one of the greatest causes of defeat, especially in prayer. We don’t wait well. We’re into microwaving; God on the other hand, is usually into marinating.” I am quite sure that if I was truly persistant and prevailed in prayer, I’d be a witness to a remarkable work by God. I want to learn to have endurance in prayer, and I want to learn to challange God with my prayers! Can I overwhelm the Father with my love for those He has placed in my path? Perseverance in prayer is a commitment to all the causes the Spirit leads my heart to, but am I ready for that? Am I capable of that?
In my struggle to understand persisting in prayer, I spoke with my close friend who encouraged me. She said that every new day presents new opportunities to breathe new prayers to God, and that He is always delighted to hear a new call to Him. Even with the “same” prayer from the day before, it’s our freshly inclined heart to His that He recognizes and honors, so our prayers are never the same to His ears, they always hold fresh intentions on our part to bring in supplication to Him our concerns for all things in His Kingdom.
I’m learning a lot… and I see that some of it, I’m learning over, even though I think I may have just thought I’d learned it a little while ago. But it’s like it’s all new, or maybe it’s not new, just a new angle that I had no idea existed. : D So many facets, so little time eh?
+++Lord, I’m in a place where I’m not sure where I’m going, but I know that I want to follow Your plans for me. Although I don’t know what they are, I know they are infinetly superior than my own. I heard Your Spirit tell me today blatently that when I need truth and grace all I need to do is look to You, and that the very heart of You, You have placed within me… and Your heart will NEVER die. You have given me something that no one else has, a complete and undying love when I do little do deserve it. Father, I treasure in a way that I can’t put words to, Your love, and Your living Spirit within me. Please move my mind and my heart in the direction You desire, I’m sorry for getting distracted by insecurity and fear… I know that I have nothing to fear in You and with You by my side. You’ve told me and promised me that You will never leave me and never forsake me… I’m sorry that I question Your word, Your promises. I’m sorry that I have looked through the glasses of fear or self protection from my life experiences, instead of seeing You and what You’ve already given me in Christ. Search my heart Lord for my deepest prayers and desires and take them and deposit within me Your will and desires and dreams. Please know Lord how sincere I am in seeking Your perfect will and living it joyfully. Please dismantle my defenses against the fullness of Your love. Let me live in Your fullness Lord, I’m facedown for You.++
After writing a book to a cyber friend last night, it got me thinking to my own life. The Spirit filled me to say so much to my friend, and then after I sent the email, I began unraveling my continued thoughts on “How do I smell?” “Am I putting on my colonge of His essance?” I awake to praise Him, and give my day to Him for His direction and I desire to carry the aroma of His life within me, so that it can drift on the breeze of wherever I go, so that people can see Him and be witness to what His love is doing within my heart.
Daily I go through countless inward transformations and smaller seasons within the larger season of my life as a whole, but I am challenging myself to live more outwardly for Him. He deserves that of me. He more than deserves that!!! I hold armfulls of enthusiam for Him and His love to spread to the cold hearts who inwardly question if He is really there. I want to spread His love, and I desire for God to show me how, when, and whom to declare His full heart of love to. I have been more passive than I’d like, mainly because I don’t know fully how to share the scope of Him… either in the way of His heart for others, or in the way that He is giantly filling my heart.
I want to be a white-hot light like Jesus, and for Jesus, shining out of the darkness so that others can see Him, and the direction He fills me with. I am entering into a place to embrace more than the desire to just pray for others, because now I feel turned on to express Him, to witness, even though I don’t really “know how.” I just feel so full of something that I just have to give away or I’ll burst if I don’t let Him out. Although I want to unleash Him to unbelievers, like my dh, I still sense that I have to keep the reigns tight and be in cooperation with God in His timing of how He’s growing and softening Mike’s heart over time. So, unexplicably, I feel this huge energy to unleash, but I can’t just yet…… what do I do with it all? Especially since I don’t really have a definition for what it all is, I just know my heart is leaping within me for Him. I don’t even know how to express and witness effectively, and I am afraid in some ways of bumbeling and then being misunderstood, or worse, having someone misunderstand God. I believe though, and know actually, that God would cover me, if I was just wanting to share His heart, so He would take it and transform whatever I say into just what they needed to hear, or He would make their ears tune out what they had not the space for understanding yet.
The Holy Spirit is tumbeling so much within me, I’m encountering His presense, and I want to shower His love.
……….
+Listening to Jars of Clay – song: Jealous Kind… AWESOME SONG!+ He’s always so after our hearts… that’s His delight, is having our heart beating loudly for His… nothing gives Him more joy than us being head over heels for Him and His intentions… and even when we put things before Him and are unfaithful, He is still ready to die for us, with a full out rage for us to know He loves us, again and again He shows us, so that we firmly write it on our hearts that we belong to only Him.
+++Father…. thank you for being the torch to the kindling in my heart, so that I can be on fire to eminate Your glory. Help me to see and live the scope of radiance that You’ve placed as a gift within my heart. You’ve created us all so uniquely, and I treasure the enthusiam You placed within me and others, to worship you OUT LOUD! Show us how to live abundantly, intentionally, and learn to dream with You, to see Your dreams, because I know I want them to be mine as well… Your creativity is fathomless to me, and I look to today and the future with a desperate hunger to find the atmosphere to share You.+++
Today’s Slice of Infinity was titled “Things To Do” by Jill Carattini. I’m always jaw dropped to read when someone spells out in such a way what my heart loves to hear, as well as what it sadly needs to be reminded of. She writes:
“In prayer, as in conversation with friends, we unearth with words things about ourselves and the One to whom we speak. Each trouble on our heart, each person on our mind is known and remembered by God. Before Him, along with each task or dream on our lists, we are laid bare. To approach God in prayer with the knowledge that He hears is a gift continually ours.”
I love how prayer moves as I do… my conversations with God flow through layers of thoughts, motives, feelings, fears, insights, etc…. and through the changing seasons of my individual days. What I love most, is that when I awake in the middle of the night, for seemingly no appearant reason, the first thing I do is immediatly run to my Father in prayer, seeking His presense in the moment, just to say hi or to tell Him thank you… some nights I am kept awake with longer conversations with Him… but I always feel like it’s either me or it’s Him, waking me up to just talk more to Him.
I haven’t the time, but I have lots of scattered things to blog. I’ll get around to that when time avails itself. He’s growing me in so many directions, and it seems right now that none of them are complete (and may never be : ) but He is weaving it all deep within my heart.
++ Dearest Father, I beg for some solitude with just You in focus, so that I can piece the internal directions together, so that I can understand where You have taken me, and where You want me to go. Thank You for stirring me, to live in this activity You’ve provided, I’m filled with joy to walk alongside You daily.++
A friend wants me to camp on this for a while…John 17:13-26
“I am coming to you now, but I say these things while I am still in the world, so that they may have the full measure of my joy within them. I have given them your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world. For them I sanctify myself, that they too may be truly sanctified.
Jesus Prays for All Believers:
“My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world. Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them.”
When Jesus prays, he does not ask amiss, and the Father is faithful to answer. He prayed ahead of time for all the believers who would come to Him through the Word. So, the believers who have accepted Jesus, have the love that the Father had for Him, within us! He wants us to know that and live inside that everyday, and share it to others to draw them unto Him.
Monday’s “Slice of Infinity” was beautiful.Betsy Childs with RZIM wrote “Canyons of the Spirit” and I’m excerping a bit because it was so delicious. Note to self… reread this Monica… let it live in you.
There is more than one way for a canyon to be formed. They can be carved quickly by the rapid erosion of a rushing river or a melting glacier. Or, they can take years to form, hewn by the steady trickle of a stream running through limestone.
I believe that the formation of a canyon bears some resemblance to our spiritual formation. The Living Water coursing through our lives leaves its mark. Many people are changed rapidly and dramatically by watershed encounters with the Holy Spirit, either at conversion or at some point of spiritual renewal…
Just as the deepest canyon can be cut by a steady stream, so the Holy Spirit has left his mark on my life. Although I have no dramatic flood stories, I have changed slowly and steadily through the years since He first found me. Some of the prayers that I have prayed for years have been answered, not all at once with a crash, but with increasing volume like the rise of a beautiful song. He has not removed any of my fears instantaneously, but He is gently coaxing them from me one by one, like a mother lovingly taking away a child’s toys as she rocks him to sleep. Although I may not have come to my senses in one moment like the Prodigal Son, the Holy Spirit daily convicts me of new sins and grants me the repentance to turn from them over and over.
I have watched other believers slowly change and mature as the Spirit reworks the landscapes of their hearts. I have seen some put aside idols and learn to cherish the things of God. I have seen others who once lashed out in anger learn to hold their tongues and forgive. I have seen souls that were once bitter or defensive become humble and teachable, all by the patient artistry of God.
No one can encounter power of Living Water and come away unscathed. Sometimes, the most dramatic canyons take a lifetime to carve.
++please continue to remap me Lord with Your Living Water. clear away the obstructions that hinder the rushing of Your life over my spirit. flow and flood the landscape of my heart. saturate me.++
Lots going on here, kids got a virus that presents itself only with a fever and headache, so we’re dealing with that.
I do have a quote that I came along in a book that is really worth blogging so that I can remember in the future:
He will wait to be gracious; He will wait till you return to Him and seek His face, and then He will be ready to meet you with mercy. He will wait, that He may do it in the best and fittest time, when it will be most pleasing suprise. He will continually follow you with His favours, and not let slip any opportunity to be gracious to you. –Matthew Henry
++Lord, I’m Your vessel, You are the one who determines when to fill me and pour me, not I. I just submit to be Your jar of clay, to let Your creativity overwhelm me, and I trust in Your timing.++
God is so faithful, and I just have to give Him the glory because the testing showed that Alec is completely healed. No reflux on either ureter. Gone! Healed! WooHoo!
Alec’s Pediatric Urologist had a delightedly surprised look on his face when he gave me the results following the procedure. He was grinning and nodding his head while he said that Alec’s x-rays were normal, and he maintained his raised eyebrows for the rest of our short visit. God is just so awesome, and I’m so thankful and relieved that Alec will never have to undergo this testing again. Now I know he said to me when we first started following Alec’s condition, that 60% of kids can grow out of this, this still doesn’t diminish God’s timing and healing of Alec.
This is a beautiful quote. God has been calling me to a deeper level in prayer, and this thought is so fragrant and rich.
“Prayer should be the breath of our breathing, the thought of our thinking, the soul of our feeling, and the life of our living, the sound of our hearing, the growth of our growing. Prayer in it’s magnitude is length without end, width without bounds, height without top, and depth without bottom. Illimitable in it’s breadth, exhaustless in height, fathomless in depths and infinite in extension.” Homer W. Hodge
Today is such a day of deep reflection for me, and with my children being young, I’m provided with the opportunity to teach them the meaning of Good Friday and the reason of our celebration of Easter. How awesome of an opportunity is that? I get to teach my kids who Jesus is.
Something has been weighing on my mind for the last couple days. It has been there behind a curtain, and not until today, did it dawn on me. I was thinking of the verse I visited a while ago of 2 Peter 3:8 (in an earlier post 4/1/04) that “with the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day…”
Have you ever looked at the detail of your day and seen it as He does? If He can see your day being like a thousand years, imagine all the detail that He fills our individual days with, that we fail to see the beauty in. How much of what He gives us, completely escapes our worthy attention? Attention to the fine details…
Upon reflection, I realize that as a Mom, I have “those days” with my kids, where I look at my watch regularly to see if bedtime is getting any nearer. I can almost feel Him cringe in disappointment as I miss the little details that He has so carefully put on a platter and handed to me.
He sees days in the slow motion that we ignore.
He sees the individual and unique opportunities
He freely generates for us,
while knowing fully in advance
of our acceptance or rejection of those opportunities.
And still, with His full knowledge of our absent disregard for all the unique details that He has filled our day with, He still gives, and gives, and gives!
He cascades His love on me daily… but do I see it all clearly? Not nearly. And even in that moment of a heart sinking feeling that I get when it occurs to me, I am reminded that only in my weakness can God’s power be perfected in me! That is when He strengthens me. (2 Cor. 12:9-10)
++God, I just seek Your perfect agenda for my life… and some days, my surrender to You is repetative. Thank You for knowing my heart and all my heart’s desires, my journey is to continually discover and hear Your’s Lord. Please continue to infuse me with Your love and life, and awaken understanding and Your amazing wisdom in me, so that every thought that comes forth from me, reflects You. Sustaining words of Your love, understanding, comfort, grace, devotion, pleasure, intimacy, gifts, and devotion. I just deeply desire Lord to see beyond the present, with a vision of that far far far down the road, to see things in a bigger picture with Your heavenly perspective. In Jesus name… Amen.++
*smiles & thanksgiving*
“Spiritual Rhythm:
In the days of raising small children, our spiritual life can seem out of rhythm.
My relationship with God does not always provide peace and assurance. There are other oh-so-familiar moments. Like the four-and-a-half-year wait to adopt a baby. Or the dark season of financial need. And oh, how I remember wondering where God had gone during my never-ending-mother-of-preschoolers days of sleeplessness, potty training and not enough of me. I’m bothered by God’s apparent inactivity in my days. The few quiet seasons of spirituality are tough to trust. I don’t like them.
Why should I? I live in a results-oriented world where value is assigned to the tangible, proven, completed, and graded entities. Slow, silent, beneath the surface, hard to measure – these aspects hold little interest – much less respect – for the average human.
The writer of the book of Ecclesiastes says, “There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven.” Live and die. Weep and laugh. Mourn and dance. Tear and mend. Push and pull. Life moves in rhythm. God made it that way. Why should our relationship with him be any different?
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven. Dear Lord, give us eyes to see your coming and going, ears to hear your voice and your silence, hands to hold your presence and your absence, and faith to trust your unchanging nature in all seasons.” MomSense Radio 3/18/04
++Lord… give us eyes to see your coming and goind, ears to hear your voice and your silence, hands to hold your presence and your absence, and faith to trust in your unchanging nature in ALL seasons!!! Amen!++
I need to revisit that often….
smiles…
Greetings…. today presented itself much the same as other days, but I can rejoice in the fact that I got more sleep because my little Alec didn’t wake me up with crying over a wet diaper, or wanting “milky”, which we are trying to eliminate. He is 2 1/2 yrs. old after all, about time to be off of his bottle, right? Since he was number 2 in the line-up, and last, I think we’ve let him keep it a little longer than we maybe should have, but you know the saying… “woulda, shoulda, coulda…”
I’m growing in my walk with the Lord, and feeling His guidance in deepening my passion for prayer, as well as my knowledge of His Word. I feel that I still have so much to learn, and that everyday I start off with the feeling of “where do I start?” I know He has me in a season of being a mother to my two children, so my devotional time is often limited until my kids go to bed. I am daily elated to be led by the Spirit, knowing that I have so many opportunities to catch a glimpse of my purpose, but I also feel that at times, the mish-mash of other thoughts obscure my vision of those very glimpses. I know that the Spirit will rewind the things I am meant to understand if I don’t hear them the first time, especially while I am trying to train my heart to discern His voice.
+++Lord deepen my intimacy with you, so that more understanding will be revealed to me regarding the future of my path and my service to You. Please equip me with the space needed in my brain and heart to retain Your Word that I’ve read, so that I can saturate my life with the truth they posess. Fill my heart to overflowing with Your Word Lord so that I can “Out of abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.” (Matt 12:34) Please sustain Your Word in my heart so that it can season my speech and make all that I say represent Your love. Continue to nurture my walk with You, so that I can deepen my faith and spiritual maturity, so that I can be Your tool here, so that You Lord, can use me as You see necessary in reaching out to others in Your flock who You seek. I know Lord that Your timetable for things in my life are perfect, please help me to be patient in my own growth, knowing that You are guiding me as You desire. I am riding my learning curve, and I surrender to You Lord to determine the speed. I’m seeing so much here and there Lord, so many things from my past are making a greater sense, and I pray that you continue to help the pieces of the puzzle fit together. I sometimes feel I’m lacking an attentiveness to the Spirit’s guidance, when the business of motherhood throughout the day surrounds me, but I know that my kids are my season, spring, youth, learning. I feel like through them Lord, I see that I am too a young child just seeing that I’m in Your love, and grace. Oh, Your grace Lord, I’m so thankful. Thank You for Your awesome Son… what a GIFT. I pray Lord that you seek after members of my family who don’t know You, draw them to you, give them a deep thirst and hunger to find answers that ONLY YOU can provide and quench through the gift of Christ. Help me again to be content with Your timetable for drawing them unto Yourself. You know Lord…. You have already seen thier surrender to You… I am just elated to see it as well, for I want them to be filled as I am with the knowledge of Your grace. All my faith is in You Lord. In Jesus name I pray Lord… Amen.+++
hugs…
