with the rain, those poor little worms have no choice but to get out of that saturated soil and make a run for it… little do they know, the birds are singing “Yay its raining, its pouring, the worms are soon to cover the flooring…” as they lick their beaks.

++clearing out some posts that were sitting in my draft box.

It’s been a busy summer, with working full time and all… I feel like I’m missing out on so much with my kids, but then again… I notice that when I’m home, they are off and away doing their own thing… their independence is growing, which is a good thing in the long run, but in this moment of reflection it’s bittersweet.

So much growing I have yet to do… so much perspective I have yet to gain… all in time I know… all in time. Funny how when I feel like I’ve just been granted insight into something, I get a bigger glimpse that shows me I have so much of a vast expanse yet to travel…

all in good time I’m reassured, all in good time.

With the increase in nearly every expense, from gas to food, to you name it… we have been mulling over the idea of disconnecting our cable tv. It would save us $50 a month, which could help in our other tighter areas. What is my need for tv anyway? The news is only negative, and or the spin on it is not always accurate, then the programs are getting worse and worse. The only thing we really love about it is the digital music channels, which I have playing all day long through the stereo speakers. But, there are other ways we could get tunes to the stereo speakers.

The winter definetly encourages more tv watching, but the summer time, geez… who has time for tv in the summer? It seems that I only turn it on in at 9pm to get the weather report and to watch the brief local news while I stitch for a minute.

Anyway… I feel bound to keeping tv for the times where ‘just in case’ I want to watch it. But what purpose does it serve? Sometimes entertainment, sometimes just distraction, and sometimes just plain avoidance because it helps me tune out other things that I probably should be focussing on.

$50 bucks a month would be the savings to unplug. That’s a little less than 1/2 of a grocery bill. It’s a struggle though. I like tv. It’s always there when you need it, and even when you don’t.

Torpedo is a girl!  [EDIT:  Perhaps Torpedo is still a boy.  It seems that at the Vet's office, they are in argument over what Torpedo is.  Some say boy, others say girl.  We will find out if he lives to get older.....]

Well, isn’t that sweet?  All this time we thought her a him, and now he is a she.  We love her/him/it so it doesn’t matter to us, and thankfully my six year old doesn’t care either… most important to us is that this little kitty gets well.  She is still at the Vet, they are watching her and waiting for a stool sample.  Poor thing.  I really pray the antibiotics work and that she rebounds.

She is a she!  Little Torpedo is a girl…. how precious. 

I used to blog regularly… what happened? I used to love to journal my feelings, but now I find that I don’t… so did my feelings leave me, or did I leave me, or did neither of the above happen and my ability to express myself in words just expired one day? Interesting, peculiar…. and quite frankly, sad.

Today I am here…
I’m alive and well…
still kicking and laughing, and occasionally screaming.

Sometimes I wonder if I know me anymore…
other times I feel sad that I know me all to well.

Today, I am here…
I am alive and well…
I really would like to try to express myself more here…

I don’t know quite why I don’t….
I think I forget what I could say, or what I want to say, or maybe I worry that I’m making up all that I end up saying.

But… you know what?
Today, I am here…

hi me…
hi you…
*waving inside my heart to myself that is me*

I wish I had come across this while I was a college student buying Ramen noodles in bulk. Would have been nice for some variation… check out the ways you never thought you could cook up Ramen… :Ramen Recipe Database

Two cool things to mention… one, I’m a big Clint Eastwood fan… the spagetti westerns are awesome, so, check out this site for the cool opening song to The Good, The Bad & The Ugly… click the link, click Clint’s face, click Film Music, scroll down till TGTBTU and select the first one… then turn up the volume. Think of this song anytime you need some theme music for your day or attitude.

The next cool thing is Da Jesus Book, it’s the New Testament translated in Hawaiian Pidgen talk (slang). My step-dad is Hawaiian, so he spoke pidgen often around the house, even though he graduated with a MS from UCLA in Civil Engineering. It’s an awesome way to get another look at the Word.

Check out a couple examples:
Rom. 3:25:
Fo Da Rome Peopo 3:25: God wen make Jesus da main guy, so he can be da sacrifice for hemo da shame fo all da bad kine stuff everybody do, ony if dey go trus him and dey shua dat he wen go bleed an mahke for dem. Dass how God show dat he make everyting come right.”

Or, how about John 3:16,
John 3:16: God wen get so plenny love an aloha for da peopo inside da world, dat he wen send me, his one an ony Boy, so dat everybody dat trus me no get cut off from God, but get da real kine life dat stay to da max foeva. You know, God neva send me, his Boy, inside da world for punish da peopo. He wen send me fo take da peopo outqa da bad kine stuff dey doing.”

And if you want to know “wat da Bible say bout important stuffs” click and find out.

Sittin back today, taking it all in. Another day in the Lord, and I’m curled up on His lap. The weather is perfect outside and the kids and I have already been to the park and I expect I would be the best mom in the world if this afternoon entailed the same thing. So, guess that’s what we’ll do, I’ll put my shades on and read while they climb, slide, and giggle the afternoon away.

I have a lot of thoughts going on with God, some in divergant directions, while others are crossing paths as I understand more and more. There are some things going on that are taking shape, and although the outlook looks good, the process appears difficult. I trust fully in Him, and I will continue to do so, even in the midst of my trials, I know through Him I will persevere. I’m filled with hope and just reflecting on the things of God. I am His beloved….

Ever heard of that? That’s what my mom calls it when the man of the house starts acting moody. I guess it’s supposed to be the male equivalent to when women use the excuse(?) of hormones or pms. I don’t know. Either way, you know the reason why I bring it up. My “better half” doesn’t seem so agreeable or pleasant today. Spiritual warfare? Possibly. Memnones? Could be. The moon? Who knows. Maybe he’s feeling the sympathetic effects of Mt. St. Helen’s. You never know. Sadly, it’s when I’m so confused and mindboggled that I am least likely to pray, when in all reality, that is the first thing I should do. Pray for my dh… but I don’t know what to pray for other than to ask God to see his heart and the causes of the mood swing… and to process it with him, in a way that he finds release from whatever it is that has gripped his behavior. I can easily pray for myself, but it’s not really about me… I should really leave myself out of the equation, except for asking the Spirit to convict me of anything I may have done to contribute to the attitude.

One of those days, thankfully it’s nearly done.

Criminal?