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Today and yesterday I’ve been able to be a stay at home mom, literally. Adair hasn’t felt well enough to go to school, she’s tired and has some aches, and she’s congested, but most of all, she’s just tired. I’ve been reading up on the H1N1 and wondering if she has that or some other type of random virus. Interesting reading it was though, let me tell you. I learned there is a class of individuals that is known by the community of immunologists as the “superspreaders” and surprise surprise, school aged children are in that group, along with their well meaning parents or guardians. Superspreaders, sounds generous doesn’t it? Not so much if it’s talking about viruses. Another term I learned was about your “herd immunity”, which is where if the elementary school does a school-wide vaccination for all the children, then we as adults even if we haven’t been immunized would receive benefit because of us residing in the same herd as those who did get the vaccination. Interesting isn’t it? Another new thing I learned is that there is a whole subset of people who in their spare time are “flu trackers” and they study the immunology, and waves of illness. Isn’t that interesting? Did you know that the illnesses come in waves? H1N1 has. Wave 1 occurred early last spring, and we are now joyfully entering Wave 2. Fun! I hope I don’t catch the wave, I’m really not that much of a surfer.
Anyway, today there was snow, and my little girl is resting. I’m on the computer logging the moment into record so that we all know it occurred. Tuesday. Girl. Sick. Snow. Home. Love. It’s all there for you, just not necessarily in that order.
I’m home… where I feel like I was meant to be. Tomorrow though, I’ll find the courage to return to work, knowing at least that it means if I do, that my little girl feels all better.
Today I was describing a part of my day to my daughter, specifically about the “Blood Battle” that is going on between our school and a rival. Not blood per say as in fighting each other to a bloody pulp, but more in the shape of a blood drive with the American Red Cross at the center. So, knowing that my daughter is a sponge for all things scientific and cool, I shared my experience of how I donated blood. I told her about how I learned of a new way to do donate blood besides just the traditional way where donors give whole blood (consisting of red cells, plasma and platelets). I’d never heard of the a new automated process that I got to do called “double red cell donation,” where donors like myself can give just the red cells, and not just my red cells, but two units of red cells, which is the component of blood that is in the greatest demand! How cool is that!? So, being that this was so awesome, and that I got a great t-shirt for this experience, I described to her this fantastic process and how it makes my heart feel comfort knowing that something from within me can be shared, and shared with someone in need, and even help to heal!
Imagine my heart stop as I neared the end of my description and saw my daughter’s eyes enlarge and fill quickly with tears as she searched with her hand for the arm of the couch where she was sitting, as if she had to steady herself from this barrage of too much information! My immediate thought, Oh no… what have I done?! Too late to wonder that now, it was obvious that I had crossed a border of assuming she was going to think the science part of it was cool. She… in. no. way. shape. or. form. thought. that. AT. ALL!!! I, Mrs. O-positive-blood-donor-super-mommy had missed the mark, big time.
All my daughter thought was apparently something so big, that she couldn’t verbalize it. After I stopped talking and tried to back peddle to fix where ever it was that I went wrong, and to get her to communicate what she was feeling other than the visible panic, all she said was that she felt like she had something rise from inside her stomach, leaving itself “sitting heavy on her chest,” and that something was “so hard inside, something as hard as an eraser,” and that it felt like “a net was grabbing it and cinching it tight” into her chest and that it “couldn’t move.”
As a parent, here I was trying to describe this cool thing (to me alone obviously!), and I somehow assumed that because she is a bookworm, and loves technology and science, and that she told me the other day, without a hint of worry or concern in her voice that her fourth grade teacher fed the class boa constrictor snake a white mouse, and the snake constricted it, suffocated it, then ate the mouse tail first. She seemed fine telling me that, saying it as if she was telling me that the sky was blue or that the grass was green. Yet, somehow from all that, and other stuff in between, I missed that she just wasn’t ready to hear about the b word.
The more we talked about it, I came to learn of her fears, and that it’s not just the word blood, or the description of blood that makes her chest feel heavy and tight causing alarm which demands tears, it extends to thought of what germs do to the inside of you – they can kill you, or what snake venom can do inside your body – like paralyze you, and what cancer cells divide and how they can’t be stopped. She went on and on crying and mumbling things I couldn’t even understand through her sobbing. What caught me most was that I had witnessed her eyes open the widest I have ever seen them, and I saw the torrent of sobs she unleashed, which was unlike anything that had come out of her before. It all underscored a fear that had been lurking under her surface waiting for this moment, and my saying the trigger word! I opened my big mouth, and brought on the panic! Me! Talking about the cool centrifuge that spun my blood to make it into two parts, bla, bla, bla…. it created a vortex of uncontrolled chaos within my daughter.
So strange in looking at it from an afternoon’s distance that something on one side, so life giving – donating blood to someone who could die if they don’t get it, while on the other side, sharing it with my daughter who I had to talk down off a ledge of fear for about an hour because it was too much information, which ignited all the other things that were connected to it.
I sat with her in my arms trying to comfort her and listen to her heart and fear, and I asked many questions to try to understand better her inner turmoil. And, to be brutally honest, I find it sad knowing that I still gave one cliché or churchy response to her fear, in saying the verse “Perfect love casts out fear.” Really now, what does that mean to young girl in this situation mama?! *sigh, note to self: next time just shut up and listen* Anyway, in the end, her near hyperventilating stopped and she settled and we talked about ways that she could express what is building up within her that said she doesn’t know how to talk about. We talked about how she could use her artistic gift to illustrate her concerns or to journal out words that provoke thoughts in her so that they don’t threaten to overwhelm her.
It’s been a busy summer, with working full time and all… I feel like I’m missing out on so much with my kids, but then again… I notice that when I’m home, they are off and away doing their own thing… their independence is growing, which is a good thing in the long run, but in this moment of reflection it’s bittersweet.
So much growing I have yet to do… so much perspective I have yet to gain… all in time I know… all in time. Funny how when I feel like I’ve just been granted insight into something, I get a bigger glimpse that shows me I have so much of a vast expanse yet to travel…
all in good time I’m reassured, all in good time.
Thinking ahead to summer, I am needing to figure out what to do for child care for my kids now that I am working. I’m not quite sure how this will all work out, but it’s January, so if I start planning now, hopefully it will be covered. In the past I’ve paid $35/day for a sitter to come and watch the kids in my home… from when the rooster crows at 7:30am until Mike gets home from work at 4pm. That’s a really long day, and honestly not that much pay in my opinion, but for a 13 yr. old, maybe it is better than nothing.
Possibilities include my mom coming for bits of time, for the kids to go stay at Rolf & Eve’s for bits of time, and or for Mike to go to swing shift for the summer months.
Wondering how this will work… have never had to consider this in the past.
I am thinking of how I discuss negative emotions with my children… grief, sadness, fear, failure, worry, regret, pain, disappointment, etc., etc. I think I have some significant areas where I can grow when it comes to this. Overall, a learning experience from this evening has taught me that I can practice much in this area…
Tonight Adair was reading on the couch and I mentioned “ice skating” to her, in that it will be so fun for her to go next week for her field trip! She and her class are going to get a lesson and then some free time! How fun!!! I thought. Mmmmm, apparently NOT. She shook her head with the look of “Oh NOooo. That’s not me. You are incorrect mother.” to which I replied in an encouraging and vigorous head nod of my own accompanied with a wide and excited smile. Of course you know what that produced in my daughter… even more confusion and dismay on the face of my sweet child, which was then followed quickly by an aggressive head shake in the NO NO NO NEVER GONNA HAPPEN YOU CAN’T AND WON’T MAKE ME OR YOU’LL BE THE MOST HORRIBLE MOTHER ON THE PLANET direction. All I could do was stare at her with an encouraging smile, and apparently I must have kept nodding my head yes, because then her cute aggressive no-no-no-head shake gave way to a slowed down version, which e v e r s o g r a d u a l l y melted, and lead to her sweet little head giving way to a slump as it fell forward to do a faceplant into her awaiting cupped hands. This of course, was where her tears and incoherent speech became evident.
This is when a light bulb went off. Instead of continuing on with what I normally would do… a cheer leading crazy thing where I try to put a positive spin on whatever the problem is, I instead opted to slow down with her and literally feel her anxiety. And although I never reached out to touch her, and instead only moved closer to her and sat next to the couch on the floor near her, I could still FEEL her dismay, her frustration, her shock, her betrayal, and her fear. Now, I realize I am probably the last person on the planet to get this, and that every other mother out there in the world is perfect with a capital P. Forgive my honesty here, forgive my hiding in plain sight moment. I know I have practiced this before, maybe with friends, but it seems it’s been a while since I have done this with my children.
I sat with her tonight and let her cry out and babble her rational, and I let her try to get to the bottom of the fear… with the open ended questions… and somehow she magically just came to a point where she said “Is all of my class going to be there?!!?!” and I replied “I think so…” which lead to her responding with a huff, “Well, if they are all going to go, I will go!” And although she said it, I could tell she wasn’t that happy about it, but nonetheless, that was the apparent end.
I don’t know exactly what lead her to that place, but she got there, and in that moment I heard the quiet voice that advised me not to be a cheerleader, and instead to acknowledge.
Sometimes I’m so thick, I think I miss those subtle cues, but thankfully today, I heard it, I listened, and I felt. I didn’t fix… I didn’t try to cheer… I didn’t spin… I didn’t try to construct a new reality that seemed better to believe… I just let her be temporarily grieved, and a magical outcome occurred.
My understanding learned from this? Talk less, listen more. Be ok with the negative emotions, whoever they belong to. Not everything is on the sunny positive side…. and that’s ok. Learn to deal with negative emotions, not by sweeping them away and ignoring their presence, but instead by acknowledging them and being ok to let them take up whatever space they need in that moment.
I don’t know why at times we turn into that person who has to have all the answers, and feels the privilage or duty to convey such. I don’t know why at times it seems like we need to look like we’ve either been there and done that, or heaven forbid that we act like we are smarter than that and have never felt this or that given emotion, or worse yet, that we invalidate the acutal emotion itself.
Pause.
Step in.
Join.
Go alongside.
Journey with.
Talk less.
Listen more.
Adair has this endearing way that she talks to the ever growing kitten Torpedo… she has a melody of words that she strings together in a song to the kitty… and its interesting when it comes out… she’ll be busily involved in something, and she’ll stop all of the sudden to get up and go over to the kitten sleeping in his bed and she’ll give him all the love and song she can, burying her nose in his cheek and calling him the “little chiga, the little buff-a… the little ti-ny…”, then its as if she gets her fill after a moment or two of cuddles and kisses and nose implants into the kitty’s soft fur, that she gets up and goes back to what she was previously engrossed in.
So fascinating and filling to watch her heart reach out and soak in…
In the words of Nemo,“FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL, FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL, FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!” My kids couldn’t be more happy. They are taking the bus to and from school for the first time, and Alec feels like such a big boy because he’s going to be in big first grade. What an amazing thing… my little Bubba… in first grade. Just minutes ago I swear he was only a baby… not anymore.
Then there is my sweet sweet Adair… entering the big world of 3rd grade. I REMEMBER THIRD GRADE! Everything that she does now is being locked inside her brain!!! Just yesterday she was my baby… my punktin… my sweetie…
Wow… being a mom is like watching a caterpiller turn into a butterfly every single day…
It may not look that sunny in this photo, because the sun was hiding behind a rather large cloud for a little while, but eventually the cloud moved aside while we spent the day at Bear Lake last Sunday. Here are my little bumpkins, Adair and Alec, all floaty on Mike’s float tube out in the water… we had a good time wrapping up the last little bit of summer before school starts NEXT WEEK.
My word…. I said that out loud… NEXT WEEK! I know, I know… I just said it again! To be exact, back to school night is on Wednesday evening, and then school starts promptly on Thursday morning. I cannot believe how quickly time flew…. it’s quite possible that the time itself got kidnapped by some magical force and completely and totally stolen away. I bet that’s exactly what happened! One minute it was there, and the next minute…. POOF…. GONE. It left no trail, no whereabouts as to it’s disappeance, it just simply vanished in the span of a second. I know I should have seen it coming, because I know that’s EXACTLY what happened last summer… but I guess I got dulled by all the Otterpops and late nights. We have to get back on a schedule again! Bedtime for the kids by 8:30pm. Breakfast first thing in the morning! Getting ready for school! Homework after school! ACK! Oh, and making lunch! *sigh* I’m getting dizzy.
Well, here is my new start of the Wiehenburg Quaker Mystery 2008, stitching on 32 ct. Ivory Belfast linen, with one over two, using Gentle Arts Hyacinth. I have had to frog the upper right triangles and boxes twice, and the lower right triangles and boxes once. RRGH. I am now seeing the light at the end of the motif and will be happy to be done of it and move onto a different and happy little motif where I vow to count better so that I won’t have to frog any stitching. RRGH.
Let’s see… today was the beginning day of the Cache Valley Fair… I took the kids and was alarmed at the cost of things.
Fair Entrance: Free
Cost of tickets for three rides: $20
Two funnel cakes with powdered sugar: $8
Little package of candied almonds: $3
Seeing my kids think it was fun: Priceless
When Adair was about four or five, she’d tell me “I want to be a mermaid when I grow up…” and you could see in her eyes how she was picturing what it would be like. Just looking at her you could see her eyes swim and you could see her think of flicking her tail as she propelled herself through the water.
Mike has asked me from time to time, “What do you want to do when you go back to work?” because my youngest, Alec, will start first grade next year and be in school all day along with Adair as she will enter third grade. All I have been able to muster when my husband has asked this is the thought in my head of “I want to be a mermaid….” and my mind swims off.
My son Alec hums. When he’s playing legos or drawing pictures, he has to hum. Adair hums to, but her tune is more random and artist inspired, while Alec’s on the other hand is intentional, and has to “be something” as in, from something. It was the theme song from Harry Potter for a little while, then it was Star Wars for a while longer, but recently with the new movie release in the theatres of Indiana Jones, we thought we’d rent those older ones to watch as a family (with the finger on the remote’s ’skip’ button for the more graphic parts). So we watched Raiders of the Lost Ark first, then we watched the Temple of Doom (much more use of the remote’s ’skip’ button for that one), and of course, everyone clearly remembers the theme song….
da-da-da-daaaa
da-daa-daaaaa
da-da-daaa
daa-da-da-da-daaaaaaa
da-da-da-daaaa
da-da-daaaaaa
da-da-daaaa-da-daa-daaaaa-da-da-da-da-da-da-da…
you get the idea..
or… for those of you who simply can’t figure out my singing in the “da-da format”, let me attempt to imbed a youtube illustration of it to really let it sink in:
So, Alec will hum this over and over, over and over, over and over. And, it’s not like he hums the whole song, just the intro… just the part I hummed for you above. Over and over, over and over. Louder, softer, over and over. Again and again. Repeat, repeat. Echo, echo. Sometimes Adair joins in, but she gets creative with it an starts putting in words for each musical note… she’ll say “In-di-ana-Jo-o-ones, In-di-anaaaaaa-Jo-jo-jo-o-onnnneesssss” etc. And Alec still hums the repetition without change.
What is the cutest to me about this is that every now and then Alec will forget how this tune goes. It simply leaves his brain after he goes and does something else and has some space from the theme music. And what does he do then? Well… then, he asks me, “Mommy? How does the song go?” not needing to refer to it by name, because of course I obviously know what song he’s referring to because it’s been the only song he’s hummed for the last week and a half. 
So, what do I do? The loving, devoted mother that I am? I smile hugely, and start giggling like a little kid being tickled and I start to hum it… o n e s i n g l e n o t e a t a t i m e.
S L 0 W L Y.
da
da
daa
daaaaaaaa….
waiting to see if he gets it yet….
not yet? still slowly… dragging it out, one note at a time… while he’s grinning from ear to ear, waiting to hear it, waiting for it to “click”…
da
daa
daaaaa
da
da
da
daaaaaa
then he gets it and finishes… and walks away the happiest kid on earth feeling so at home that he’s finally gotten the tune of it again in his head and all is right with the world. He doesn’t think I’m torturing him, holding one note at a time… I mean my face is about to crack open because I can’t smile any bigger as I lead him on his musical mystery with one note in “da format” waiting to see when it is exactly that he gets it. A “da” on it’s own is a little hard to get, but it’s when you string some of them together with the longer “daaa’s” that the song becomes more alive. Try it, you’ll see what I mean.
Anyway, yesterday he asked me twice what the theme song was, so I treasured the moment with abandon. I hope he asks me again today…. “Mommy? How does it go?”…. Please God, let him ask me today.
Some days reading this really speaks to my soul…
Oh, the Places You’ll Go!
Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You’re off to Great Places!
You’re off and away!
You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You’re on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.
You’ll look up and down streets. Look ‘em over with care.
About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.”
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you’re too smart to go down any not-so-good street.
And you may not find any
you’ll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you’ll head straight out of town.
It’s opener there
in the wide open air.
Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.
And when things start to happen,
don’t worry. Don’t stew.
Just go right along.
You’ll start happening too.
OH!
THE PLACES YOU’LL GO!
You’ll be on your way up!
You’ll be seeing great sights!
You’ll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.
You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed.
You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you’ll be the best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.
Except when you don’ t
Because, sometimes, you won’t.
I’m sorry to say so
but, sadly, it’s true
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.
You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You’ll be left in a Lurch.
You’ll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you’ll be in a Slump.
And when you’re in a Slump,
you’re not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.
You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked.
A place you could sprain both you elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?
And IF you go in, should you turn left or right…
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.
You can get so confused
that you’ll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place…
…for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.
Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a sting of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.
NO!
That’s not for you!
Somehow you’ll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You’ll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.
With banner flip-flapping,
once more you’ll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!
Oh, the places you’ll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored. there are games to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame! You’ll be famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.
Except when they don’t.
Because, sometimes, they won’t.
I’m afraid that some times
you’ll play lonely games too.
Games you can’t win
’cause you’ll play against you.
All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you’ll be quite a lot.
And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance
you’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.
But on you will go
though the weather be foul
On you will go
though your enemies prowl
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl
Onward up many
a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.
On and on you will hike
and I know you’ll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.
You’ll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You’ll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life’s
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.
And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3 / 4 percent guaranteed.)
KID, YOU’LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!
So…
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O’Shea,
you’re off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So…get on your way!
—Dr. Seuss
A friend of min gave us their gently used trampoline. This is such a genrous gift, it’s really hard to believe. My husband assembled it yesterday, the last day of the kids short spring break from school, and boy oh boy… what a treat. It has an enclosed netting around the outside, and a ladder to climb up, and the kids are in literal heaven. Bounce, bounce, bounce, giggle, bounce, smile, laugh, bounce, bounce, laugh. That sums up the afternoon yesterday… what a gift.
Today it’s snowing/raining, and thus no bouncing will be had, but you can bet that the first chance that the weather warms up, I’ll take some time on it and bounce as well. What could be more fun?
Well, I finished the kids teachers end of the year gifts…. just need to frame them. Don’t know if I’ll be able to literally wait till the end of the school year to have the kids give them to them. Never have been too good with keeping a surprise. I get that from my mother for sure!
Also just finished what I affectionately called my momentary stitching nemesis. I think I had more un-stitching to do on this piece than I actually put in. For some reason I read the chart incorrectly and used a different color for the ferns that I was supposed to. Needless to say, I frogged them all and put in the correct color. For some reason there is something within myself that will not allow me to have it different than the chart. The other frogging I had to do was to remove part of the border… apparently I was tired, and I turned my linen and forgot which way was up, so my cross stitch went the wrong way. I am glad to have it completed. Now I just have to find someone to give it to, after-all, if I keep it, I know I’ll just grumble at what I had to go through to finish the simple thing. It really is pretty though.
After finishing up those projects, I have made progress on my Angel Song… 
I’m enjoying the pretty colors. Last night I finished the one over one in the words row, and now I’ll get to have several rows of two over two… lots of thread changes with the hillside, but it looks so pretty I can’t wait to do it!
Well, that’s it for today. Other than a picture of my kids on Easter!
(edit: I changed the title of this… after having it sit with me overnight. The sound of my son, and the sounds of my son, are not noise, they don’t ring in my head and heart that way.. at least not all the time. Sometimes what he says and does is music of the sweetest kind to my ears… other times, it’s as though it’s an echo of something that I am not taking the time to truly appriciate. I realize this. I am again realizing I need to practice the discipline of being IN the present, and all that it holds… especially the sound effects that any given day reveals.)
I have a 6 year old son, who is nearly non-stop talking or expressing various sounds that either sound like explosions, guns, flying space ships… etc. (you get the idea, boy sounds). You know, all the Star Wars sounds that we girls are just not as equipped to make. I listen and I am struck mute with his ability to shape his mouth and blow air and do whatever it is that he does. After a while of my astonishment, I will add that I usually have to say “please, NO MORE GUN SOUNDS!” to which he replied today “Mommy, it’s not a gun sound, it’s a blowing up sound.” Ohhhhhhh… I get it. I see. The noise has different degrees of expression… it’s sad that after hearing it for a while, it all sounds the same and I cannot differentiate the difference between the range of them.
He’s so loud… so continual… the Energizer Bunny wrapped up in camouflage pants. Boom. Crash. Bew-Bew-Bewwww. Over and over again. Then the addition of light saber sounds, and people talking and narrating their entire battle. Seriously, Calgon. Take me awaaaaaaaay. Please. I can’t take another gun sound… I mean I “blowing up sound.” Funny that just the other day, I tried to play along, and he literally laughed at the sounds I made and tried to correct me in the proper way to make a shooting laser beam (which he doesn’t say BEAM, he pronounces it as VEAM) sound. Why don’t girls learn these types of vocalizations?
I just completed this La-D-Da pattern, Rejoice Always Rejoice… it’s so pretty. I did this with some thread changes that Shepherd’s Bush had, on a beautiful olive colored linen. This photo doesn’t do it justice. It’s so yummy. When last I was at Shepherd’s Bush I got some plum colored linen and some complimenting flosses to do this same stitchery in plums, for some reason I’m hungry to stitch on this beautiful colored linen. 
The colors I had significant help picking (read: Tina Richards Herman picked them all) are WDW Eggplant for the lettering and the border (which I’m not sure if I’ll do the border on this piece), I also have WDW Kudzu for the vine, and WDW Purple Haze and another pretty light colored lavender Limited Edition GA Thread, both to be used for the buds on the flowers… they should all be beautiful together.
Last night I began the sister to Emmanuel’s Song (see last post), titled Angel’s Song (pattern seen here)…
it is going to be fun! I wonder how long it will take me…. given that Spring is approaching and that yard work awaits. Not to mention the other little stitcheries that I’m doing in the meantime… like two of these little Wee One’s by Heart in Hand. One is for Adair’s 2nd Grade teacher, and the other is for Alec’s Kindergarten teacher. I’ve got one done already (pictured), and the other is half way… the apple is all filled in.
Anyway… I’m off to stitch… I spent the day organizing (something which I have little desire or talent to do) the kids toys and closets. Ugh. What a chore. I really must be better at this, or they will likely grow up and be just as horrible at it as I am. This was from the beginning of the sorting process… only clearing out what was found lurking under Alec’s bottom bunk. My word, it’s amazing how much stuff he can shove under there when I’m not looking.
My little boy today said the most brilliant thing…..
Alec: “Mommy?”
Me: “Yes, honey?”
Alec: “We should listen to God!” “Right?” as if to make sure I agreed with his thought…
Me: “Yes, we should… He’s talking to us all the time…” I’m lovin’ Alec’s observation and his heart to remember this all… when he breaks in with the most brilliant reminder…
Alec: “Yep, He is… but sometimes we interrupt Him.”
so so true…
so so true…
++God… thank you for still speaking to me even though I interrupt you constantly with my own insignificant questions, ideas, and complaints. Please grow me into an adult who can stay tuned into your Voice and your whispers into my life… I’m desperate to grow out of this phase of seemingly short attention spans to what you’re trying to teach me, and where you might be trying to lead me deeper. Thank you Father… thank you… again and again.++
My little boy sounds like he has swallowed a kazoo. He caught some kind of bug that has given him a scratchy voice and a consistant gurgle in the back of his throat when he breaths. For an adult, this wouldn’t be so bad, as we know well how to clear our throats… but he’s only three, and doesn’t quite have that aquired skill. Oh, what we take for granted. So, in the meantime, when he’s breathing through his mouth, it sounds like he’s blowing a kazoo.
If you or the kids don’t pick up the toys you got out before you move on to the next set of things to play with, life can be dangerous. It’s hard to navigate through the pieces of a gazillion legos (with sharp corners), a hundered hot wheel cars, and the total of all the Little People when you’re in a hurry. To put it plainly, that’s how most of the injuries around here happen, for both the kids and I. Somehow Mike escapes these injuries which seems mysterious, and I have yet to solve how he does this.
The destructive powers of my two young children amazes me, and leaves me exhausted, and it’s only a quater after ten o’clock in the morning. And currently, it’s raining outside, so it might prove to be a long day of mothering…. and although my ankle hurts because I fell after trying to avoid some legos, which incidently left a square imprint on the side of my foot, I am almost thinking that what’s the bother of picking up the toys so soon, the day is young, and I think I’ll live dangerously and on the edge today and keep them spread over the entire floor of the family room. I could use more practice at walking in the inbetween spaces on my tippy-tippy-toes while racing for a ringing phone. Plus, it will provide for a time for the kids to improve their own large motor skills of walking through the same chaos, and well, if they get hurt….. maybe they’ll discover the truth about what happens if you scatter your toys over the entire walking surface of the room we reside the majoirity of time! How long to lego imprints in flesh last anyway?
It’s one of those days where I’m not quite sure where the balance went. Somehow my mom equilibrium is off kilter, or the kids are just pushing my buttons and testing the boundaries. Can you scream *AAAAAACK!*? I can and am.
From the looks of it, it appears that my kids have forgotten several things; the definition of sharing and how to do it, the youngest has forgotten that we don’t throw things in the house, they have both forgotton how to behave when given a time out, as well as how to just use “our inside voices” and not scream at the top of our lungs.
If I could run away without looking back today, I’d be gone in a second to go hide in a cave like Elijah. Since I can’t leave the kids however because Mike is at work, I guess I can go hide in my closet, and try to pray. I’ve been trying that all morning though, and I’m praying that God is hearing it all, even through the interruptions of the kids, me, or what feels like momzilla. Somehow I’m questioning if I’m measuring up today to anything good while I try to take every thought and make it captive to Christ. I’m failing in many ways today to live in and demonstrate the fruit of the Spirit. I need to get busy cleaning out my closet so I can hide in it today.
This summer has been a time of growth for my kids, and with our upcoming visit to my family in southern Calif. on the 12th of August, we’ve been clearing out the house of all the things the kids have outgrown, or soon will. My older brother and his wife are expecting their first child in January, so they are getting many handme downs for the occasion. Some people frown on handme downs and they don’t want anything to do with them, and even though my brother and his wife have successful careers (he’s a chiropractor and she’s an optomotrist), they are welcoming the second hand gifts. And boy, do we have a lot to bring, as our family is complete (minus a large dog or two that we’ll add at a later date), so we sure are happy to give them a big start on their new life. As you may remember, we are giving them the crib, which we successfully moved Alec out of a few weeks ago. We are also giving the changing table that matches, which even though we still use because Alec is in diapers, it will save me the strain of trying to lift him for the pit stops. My back will rejoice, although my knees will creek. The rest of the list is this; car seat, port-a-crib, high chairs & tables, Kelty backpack, breast pump, Baby Bjorn, Little People farm & house, and a ton of board books that we have made it through. I’m glad that they want the handme downs, I think my brother sees them as having history and he’s always liked that, and I see it in a way that makes it easier to let go of items to someone who will expect and respect my emotional attachment. Even though a crib is just a piece of furniture, it serves as a tie to what Alec and Adair used to be. Even though I don’t need to keep it, somehow knowing that I’ll still know where it is, is soothing for my heart.
In giving all these things away, I have noticed how the simple act of packing them up (even some things that we still use, like high chairs), exchanges our routines for a new kind of lifestyle. Although all of those things make some chores easier, after a time now that my kids older, I am realizing that taking them out of the routine makes things simpler. For so long our routine was to put the kids “in their chairs” (i.e. in the high chairs that mounted to our own kitchen chairs, and then attach their tables, to effectively lock them inside thier chairs… basically a chair prison), and once they were in their chairs, they would stay there eating breakfast and watching Sesame St., which gave me time to take a shower and get on my broom for the day. But now, I’ve disassembled the chairs and now the kids have the freedom to run around in the morning, but you know what? They don’t, they just sit in their regular chairs, eat their breakfast, and keep watching their show…. I guess that we’ve been doing it for so long this way, they are just used to it.
So… our routines are changing, and it’s freeing. Freeing to let go of things we are no longer using, or things we can step away from to simplify. I’m really enjoying the transitions.
We completed our last day of swim lessons for the kids! WooHoo and waaaa at the same time. It’s a challange to get to swim lessons on time everyday, lubed up with SPF 50 sunblock, bathing suits, swim shoes, dry towels, a snack, sippy cups, sun hats, and the most important thing, children who are happy. Even though our lessons started at 11:00am, it’s some weird law of nature that even if you start getting ready at 9:30am you’ll still find yourself running late. What’s up with that? There are some things that just cannont be done until the last minute, potty breaks, swim diaper for Alec, and getting lubed with sunblock. And somehow, even if I get all the other things done ahead of time, those things devour any time advantage we did have, and we are always rushing out the door to get to the pool on time. But another thing that puzzles me, is that even though we can be running late, we always arrive “just on time” and the kids can get right in the pool. *ahhh*
Anyway, it’s been a fun two weeks, but I’m the one who is glad that things will return to “normal,” with the now occasional planned trip to the pool, instead of everyday.
Both Alec and Adair have accomplished the feat of being able to go underwater and hold their breath whenever they want. It’s great! They aren’t timid about getting under the “mushroom” that has water coming over the sides raining down on the kids underneath. They’ve both mastered jumping into the water with no fear, and you can’t put a value on the what all of the swim lessons (or the days we’ve stayed after for 2 more hours of playing in the pool) have done to their physical, emotional and cognitive development. The sensory effect alone of the pool with the water temp, the breeze keeping their goose bumps bumpily, and the sounds of all the other kids playing has got to be the most stimulating thing. Not to mention, all the physical contact that I get, because they love to give me hugs as I sit next to them with only my head poking out of the water. That is one of my fondest memories growing up, being able to climb on my mom in the pool. It’s incentive to look at the fun things in life and want to do them more often just for the sake of the sensory overload factor. We all need that. : D
Now that the crib is out of the kids bedroom, their room feels huge! We are loving the new space to lay on the floor and read books or to have every single “Little People” toy possible (the farm, house, airport, garage, construction set, and circus, along with all the little people) spread out on the floor as an entire Little People village. I should have taken apart his crib earlier, but I think I was the one who wasn’t ready…… *sniff*. He’s growing so quickly, nearly three come early September, and because Mike and I have come to the decision that our family is complete, he is our last. So every stage that he is passing and growing out of, we will not see again, unless we are revisiting them in fond memories, or tending another family’s child. It’s as if I’ve been thinking he could stay in the crib as long as he wanted, because that, along with potty training, are almost the last recognizable signs of a toddler. I am aware that I can’t keep either of them in a stage, and that it’s my job to help them grow and mature and eventually “let go” and then move on… all in process to become who God wants them to be. So they are just mine in trust for a time, and I need to just be the best shephard I can be along the way. It’s hard to explain, it’s not that I’m “sad” that they are growing out of certain things, it’s just that it’s moving at a pace that I sometimes can’t keep up with….. and just when I think I’ve recovered from one transition, I am faced with watching them move on and out of another. : )
Another thing that is new… is the discipline (in the form of a spanking). *ugh.* I haven’t completely figured out if I’m ready for it or if it is the right method. Until now, we have successfully relied on counting to three, with the premise that the offender being counted needs to stop the behavior, if the behavior isn’t stopped, they are placed in time out. This has worked really well with our kids, and we haven’t even thought of spanking. But…. (and I say that with a hard T at the end) I never quite figured out a successful way to implement a time out when bed time rolled around. If they keep getting out of bed, and the desired goal is to have them stay in bed, what good is a time out? It doesn’t work in that situation. I tried an alternate approach with Adair when she was younger, and that was to say “if you get out of bed, I’ll have to take one toy away.” But, after a while, she just started saying, “here, take my toy,” and she didn’t care. Sooooooo…. that leaves us with a spank. I understand the Biblical view that children need discipline, like
Proverbs 23:12-14, and Proverbs 29:14-16… but I wonder if there are better methods (without a spank) that would be more appropriate to get to the end goal of my children obeying us as parents and to honor us.
I guess I have fear about the message of spanking. I hate hurting them… it hurts me…. and haunts me. While interestingly, at the same time, I can already see some results… Alec is staying in bed and not getting out, and when he awakes from his nap, he calls for me to come get him, and when I do, he proudly says, “I stayed in my big boy bed!” upon which, he is showered with praise and applause.
Any thoughts to share from the onlookers?
Yesterday we went to Bear Lake, which is just through the canyon near my house, called Logan Canyon. My girlfriend, her two kids, me, and my two kids all loaded up and drove up and fared well during the hour drive and then parked on the beach. We watched the kids play, interchanging buckets of water then sand, running to and fro looking like busy little ants. The wind off the lake kept us cool, while the sun kept us reasonably warm. One thing that my friend and I both enjoyed was seeing that the kids would run in the water, then run up to the dry sand and lay down to make sand angels. My little girl doesn’t have many crevices, but the nooks and crannies she does have, were filled with sand.
It was a beautiful day and now today, my kids are asking me with expectation, with “what are we going to do today?” I better get busy and think of something other than just grocery shopping!
My daughter will be five in November, so she’s really a sponge soaking everything. Yesterday more than days before, I heard her ask “why?” more than I think she needed too. It’s weird because in my mind I think, “she knows the answer, why is she asking?” but she still asks anyway. I’m trying to encourage her to problem solve by responding to the “whys” I know she already knows by asking… “hmmm… why do you think sweetie?” She usually looks at me for a second then I see the gears in her mind start going and she finds the answer… but sometimes she comes back with a blank look because she doesn’t know. So then I usually walk through the answer. What confuses me and eventually irritates me is when she asks “why?” for something she already knows the answer.
Sometimes it’s a challange to respond in the fruit of the Spirit consitently for every why during the day. “Why?” you ask? Because I’m a failure sometimes and I don’t even remember. “Why?” you ask? Because I get sidetracked by tasks that need to be done, and what not, all the while listening to a constant banter of chatter from my extremely talkative kids. “Why?” you ask? Because mommy’s have to do laundry, dishes, make dinner, and when the kids are talking non-stop and sometimes interrupting my thoughts, I get scatterbrained and it’s hard to refocus on what I was doing. “Why?” you ask? Because… I don’t know! Because, because, because I need a break or something. “Why?” you ask? Because I’m not supermom and I need some quiet time.
I know some people would do anything to have kids because of fertility issues, and that they would look at me and think I’m not cherishing everything. They’re right… sometimes I’m not, and I’m just looking forward to my kids bedtimes. But you know what? On other days, I wish it wasn’t so soon till bedtime.
So… I can already tell that today is another day of the “why’s?” I’ll do better today.
