It’s been a little while since my last post.  I’ve felt a little inward, a little reflective, and somehow without a pen for my voice.  It’s hard to know what to express here sometimes, even if it is just meant for me and my inner reflections.  It’s hard to know what I should say to myself…

Maybe I don’t want to get that truthful with the me I am today… or the me that I will become one day as I reflect back on this space of words written out in digital format.

I don’t know if I want to come to terms with anything today, other than today is a the first new day of this new year… and it’s open and unwritten, ready for me to explore the empty pages of it and make it into whatever I may.

There is so much that I would like to admit to wanting to see happen… while yet still finding that admitting that I want things different, things new, things changed, things improved… but if I share them here to this space, then in some way I am admitting my responsibility to see them happen, or worse yet I am opening myself to knowing responsibility to admit my own lack if they don’t happen.  I realize that if I do not mention them, the possibility exists that whatever they are could dry up or vaporize at any moment without ever having the chance at being realized because of having no accountability whatsoever.

But here, in this space, I am admitting them to myself.  Here in this sphere of my heart, I am acknowledging that I want some things to be different, and some ways that I do want things to improve.

I find it interesting that we examine ourselves  so closely on New Year’s Day… it seems that I should become aware of such longings everyday of the year, just as I am today.  Or, perhaps not.  Perhaps the perspective is too much to bear everyday…  I think the day to day mundane-ness takes over and it helps me to lose my perspective of the long term… but today I see it, as if it’s tomorrow…

and I can see what I dream it could look like if x, y, and z occur.