You are currently browsing the monthly archive for October, 2008.
Adair has this endearing way that she talks to the ever growing kitten Torpedo… she has a melody of words that she strings together in a song to the kitty… and its interesting when it comes out… she’ll be busily involved in something, and she’ll stop all of the sudden to get up and go over to the kitten sleeping in his bed and she’ll give him all the love and song she can, burying her nose in his cheek and calling him the “little chiga, the little buff-a… the little ti-ny…”, then its as if she gets her fill after a moment or two of cuddles and kisses and nose implants into the kitty’s soft fur, that she gets up and goes back to what she was previously engrossed in.
So fascinating and filling to watch her heart reach out and soak in…
I have thoughts to capture, if I could just see them out of the corner of my eye as they pass like that scratch that seems illusive on my eyeball itself. Ever had that? Ever tried to zero in and focus solely on it, but even as you do, it scoots just left of where you can see it and all you end up seeing is its tail?
I feel just like that today… the thoughts that I would love to write about seem to be passing and all I can see is the tail of where they just where…. a faint whisper that they went by already and I couldn’t capture them. I know I do that with God too… I see a lot of where He just was, I’m too consumed to have my head buried in the cleft of the rock, that by the time I look up to glance about, He’s already passed by…. yet the truth holds that even where He just was lights up my face in a way that others can witness the illumination.
Let me pause a moment and think of where I have seen where God just was…
…In the tail of Adair’s giggle over the word “fluffy” that is written over and over again on a shirt for her, along with the colors of the rainbow spelled out as they show the color themselves…
…In the sunset that I saw hugging onto what was left of the day, waiting, just waiting for me to see it as I glanced out my kitchen window while deep in thought…
…In the wise eyes and heart of the woman I work with, who shared a banana squash with me that was delicious…
…In the way my husband asked me “how was your day?” in the most loving and inviting way, which even if it were the only thing he said to me all day, it would have been enough to feel loved an entire lifetime…
Those are tails of places I know God just was… and it’s not until now that I find them… after the moment has already passed.
I’m so blessed to have been able to just now reach up and grab the tails of those kite string moments… I shall hang onto them as they swim out of view into the expanse of space, and I will let them transport me through the great economy of love, grace and peace that they offered… while not expecting anything in return, other than for me to simply witness and revel in the truth in them.
This is a glimpse into my story today…
The weather is turning.. fall is on us… the clouds are low today and they appear so heavy with moisture that their release may fill the morning up, if not the entire day. I love this change in season, this invitation to slow down, to bundle up, and to get reacquainted with evenings that come sooner. The coming on of fall helps me to find center again… its like the whole world, or at least my world, is being called to slow down, to slow its spin, which offers me longer glimpses into my surroundings because I myself am not going so fast. Not that I move fast intentionally, but there certainly are times where I look back on things and I’m amazed wondering where the time went. I think the seasons change invites me to change, to pull back, or to grow outward, to bundle up, or to shed. I welcome the change, the offer, the opportunity. The leaves turning, the air clearing, the momentum shifting.
I’m sure time is not actually slowing down, but its as if there is some place in this reality that it is, even though it may not be. I don’t know how to explain it, other than to say it feels slower, although there is one side where I feel hurried, in that the need to harvest and can all the tomatoes before they go bad and before the snow flies. I have to wrap up the garden, prepare it for next year, and button up the outside to prepare it for my absence while winter keeps me indoors more.
Time is slowing, time is speeding, yet all the while time is staying the same. I am the one slowing, I am the one speeding… are there parts of me that are staying the same? Most assuredly… they are the ones that keep me in a me, while the growing and shifting parts of me explore the unknown me that I dream about becoming everyday.
I’m finding myself hugged tightly by God lately… so tightly that I can hear my back popping and its the bear hug itself that announces to you how much you really needed it, yet didn’t realize that you did until you were embraced into it. It’s absolutely amazing. So strong, so complete… it’s the kind that melts away the day (or last couple of years) as if it never occurred, or as if it has no importance in the large scheme of things anyway. What a power and presence to be swallowed up within.
I love my job… I appreciate what it is, and what I am able to do… and I’m really appreciating who I am placed with. Such unique and beautiful people, all of them. Unique God carriers all of them. Everyday is like a treasure hunt or scavenger hunt, and I am getting clues to things I didn’t know I was hungry to know.
Stitching hasn’t been happening too much, other than to make a stocking for my niece and new baby nephew… what a miracle and precious creature. Blessing. Joy. Tangible grace and love. Wish I could see and hold. Will need to get linen to make stockings for my brother and his wife as well…. Wise man… and Angel that they are.
Stitching on Quaker Virtues… have stitched Simplicity all… and had to do some frogging of a border of a top motif that was off by one square. To punish it I have kept it in the bag for a time out, and ignored it all together… I should forgive my poor stitchery and take responsibility for stitching with tired eyes… I shall forgive it tonight and stitch it again while watching Biden and Palin debate. I’m really curious to see how it plays out. Will it be one sided? Will Sarah have better answers than she has for other interviews? Will Biden be mellower? Interesting to say the least. Which presidential candidate do I support you wonder? It’s not as obvious as some would automatically assume.
Well… it’s been a long time since I’ve written… I’m sorry bloggy. I shall not keep so quiet. I’ve been adjusting though this last month…. to this new schedule, to this new adventure, to this partially new part of me that I am walking into. It’s been a bit jarring, and a bit freeing, and a bit scary, and a bit beautiful, all wrapped up into one tapestry. So many colors, so many interesting textures.
