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I read this and was just swept away… serves as a reminder to always seek…
Explaining Away Light- Jill Carattini
Ballet lost some of its wonder when it was explained. It was a class that was supposed to lift my mind, lighten my spirit, and boost my grade point average. Instead it became a one-credit nightmare: a class dedicated to dissecting moves I could not duplicate, within a semester that seemed to slowly dismember my fascination with dance.
Explanations sometimes have a way of leaving us with a sense of loss. Students note this phenomenon regularly. Expounded principles of light refraction and water particles seem to explain away the rainbow, or at least some of its mystique. Air pressure, gravity, and the laws of physics deconstruct the optical mystery of the curve ball. Knowledge and experience can leave us with a sense of disappointment or disenchantment.
I recently read an article that scientifically explained the glow of a firefly. The author noted the nerves and chemical compounds that make the “fire” possible, pointing out that it is merely a signal used for mating and far from the many romantic myths that have long surrounded it. I put the article down with a sigh. And then a thought occurred to me in a manner not unlike the promise of Christ: The light shines in the darkness and the darkness did not overcome it.(1) Where nerves and photocytes seem to explain away the glow of the firefly, have we any more erased the miracle of light?
However accurate or inaccurate our explanations might be, they sometimes have a way of leading us to short-sided conclusions. They have also led us to outright incongruity. We have now tried with great effort to define humanity as an impersonal product of chance, an adult germ in a vast cosmic machine. We have brusquely described life as a tale told by an idiot, signifying nothing, only to claim this should not lead us to despair. We have declared our appetites the gods of a better religion, while insisting both God and religion to be an invention of the human psyche. We scoff at the notion of a savior who frees the captive or restores the fallen, while maintaining we live with every qualification for human dignity, distinction, and freedom. But are these even realistic applications of our own philosophies? Do the explanations warrant the conclusions?
On the contrary, we are undermining our own mines. In the words of R.C. Sproul, we are living on borrowed capital. Why should a product of chance have intrinsic value? Why would an impersonal, cosmic accident see herself as a personal, relational being worthy of dignity? What we are attempting to explain away in one sentence, we are arguing for in the next.
Explanations need not always lead us to the conclusion that all is lost. But neither should our explanations lead us to conclusions that contradict our own accounts! Thankfully, in both cases, there are times in life where we find, like Job, that we have spoken out of turn and discover there may be more to the story. After sitting through the whirlwind of God’s 63 questions, Job exclaims: “I have uttered what I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know” (Job 42:3).
The invitation is before us. “Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and hidden things that you have not known” (Jeremiah 33:3). God’s presence can be overlooked, but it cannot be explained away; the effort is as futile as the attempt to explain away the miracle of light.
Jill Carattini is senior associate writer at Ravi Zacharias International Ministries in Atlanta, Georgia.
(1) See John 1:5.
Well, it’s been a while since I’ve posted. Had surgery to remove my paraovarian or paratubal cyst. All went well, and I was very blessed to have my mom here lending her hands and time. I am all better and yesterday I did not need a nap, which is saying a lot, because a couple days prior I took four naps in one day. I was exhausted.
On stitching notes, I got the linen for the remaining two SB stockings I need to do. One for me (Elisabeth’s Stocking) and one for Mike (Reed’s Stocking). I’ve got my angel all the way stitched and the stars and trumpet, now I just need to do the top vine and lower scene and I’ll be done. I’m moving quickly on it… just started the day my mom came (a week ago Saturday) and I’m moving right along. Will complete this one, then move on to do Mike’s so that I don’t have confusion between charting symbols like I did when I stitched both of the kids stockings at the same time. 
After I’m done with these, I’ll send them off to mom to make, as she’s so crafty with her sewing machine.
I am readying myself to start the 2008 Quaker Mystery Sampler stitch-a-long, and just waiting on linen and thread. It will be fun to have a different Quaker to switch to when I’m tired of the Virtues.
On other fronts…. school for the kids will be starting in no time, at which point I will be going to school full time during their school for web design stuff. Let the geeking begin.
I always wonder how they make these… they’re so great.
Christopher Walken is just hysterical. Mike and I re-enact Christopher Walken all the time. Here’s a recent funny from him as the Googly Eyes Gardner.
So, here is where I’m at with my Quaker Virtues… I’ve got “tegrity” and tonight I will hoop it and stitch the “in” into “integrity” 
I’m moving along. I see one error, but I’m not telling where it is. I couldn’t figure out where I counted wrong, so I left it. It won’t bother me too bad, unless someone spots it and tells me, haha.
My mom is flying in on her broom on Saturday in preparation for my laparoscopy on Tues. I feel so at peace over this and knowing that I won’t have to think about this much longer.
I listened to a really great message yesterday by Brad Nelson called “Redefining Hope” that was so good. This message is only about 35 minutes long, and you could skip the intro. It prompted so much thought in my heart and a deep discussion with God.
I have fretted, and I’m exhausted. Fretting seems a little less organized than worrying to me, kind of like several trains of thought running wayward all at one time at reckless speeds. Fretting is not helpful.
Amazing how just making a decision on something can solve the fretting issue. The decision I have made is to have my cyst removed, and to be free from the thought of it after on the 22nd of July. I won’t have to worry about it every time I sit and feel it, or when I am pushing the lawn mower around the backyard and it’s making itself known in my belly. I won’t have to give it a second thought once it’s gone and out of MY body. I am choosing a doctor who seems experienced and intelligent, and I am going to put faith and trust in him and the divine appointments that have brought this cyst to light, and for the pain that it has caused. Pain is a signal, a warning, and I am going to take heed of this warning and treat it. The doctor will remove it laproscopically, and I’ll be on my merry way enjoying the rest of the summer with quick healing, and eating a Blizzard because my mom will come out to give any help with the kids or home while I recoup for a couple days. It shouldn’t take long at all from what I have read, so I am going to mostly use the time as an excuse to stitch and play with my mom and kids.
I feel relieved knowing that it will be gone, and now I don’t have to fret. Notice: don’t have to. Still could- but don’t have to. Fretting is useless and it gives me a headache and it allows God some chill out time while He watch and waits for me to realize it’s lack of futility, and then He continues to wait until I cast my burdens fully upon Him.
I’m casting now.
After spending time thinking about it, I’m not angry, I’m just utterly annoyed. I know my cyst is a cyst, I’ve seen it on ultrasound, it’s simple, but it’s there. I’m not a hypocondriac, or trying to make mountains out of molehills… but it seems to me that medical people should have it more together to realize that my u/s was Thurs. morning, and I’ve waited the entire three day weekend just to hear what’s next. And so, I call them to get the ball rolling that I want to hear answers from them TO-DAY, and yet it’s the last minute that they call me back, and not only that, but that they leave a message that I can’t return until tomorrow. It’s sensless. It’s SO IRRITATING, is it not?
Anyway, maybe it’s that I’ve been playing the ”let’s watch it and wait” game for a while, and I’m just losing my patience because I’m starting to feel like no one cares. From what we can tell it’s nothing, but still, it is something. It’s not “normal”, and it’s as frustrating.
Well, here is my start of the windmills pattern. I just need to do one more puffy cloud type thing to the right of the windmill, then I can start on the first words row. This is moving along quickly, mostly because it’s a narrow pattern, at only 3.19″ wide, I feel like I’m moving right along given that I just started on the 4th of July. It’s a nice distraction from my Quaker Virtues, but I admit that I picked that up last night for a bit because I didn’t feel up to stitching the little flowers or grass yet… but today the desire to do those came easily, and I’m finished.
On medical fronts, I picked up a copy of my ultrasound report from the Radiologist regarding my abdominal cyst, I followed that by calling my nurse practitioner to get the results (I know, I know, I already said I just got them, but I wanted the treatment plan), and so I spoke to my FNP’s friendly, yet seemingly spacey, clinical assistant named Ashley. She said that my FNP had not yet looked at my results and she’d call me back a little later. I asked her to call on my cell phone, as I would ensure that I’d have it on me all day. But wouldn’t you know it? Guess what happened? Of all the times when something wonky goes on with my cell phone, or the Verizon-can you hear me now-network, it was when the friendly Ashley calls me back at 5:30pm (WHEN THEIR OFFICE NO LONGER ACCEPTS INCOMING CALLS BECAUSE THEY ARE CLOSED) and somehow only gets my voice mail, even though I HAD MY PHONE ON ME AND I DID NOT MISS A CALL. What in the world? And of course, I can’t call back (read: I tried but did not get through) because they are done for the day. RRRRRRRGH! Did sweet Ashley think to try my home phone? No, because apparently when I asked that she call my cell, that meant to only call my cell. My word. What an annoyance, to put it mildly.
The results that I got from the radiologist as he interpreted my ultrasound (and compared it with previous CT scan) show that my cyst does not appear to be ovarian in type, but may be a “peritoneal inclusion cyst”, or a “mesenteric cyst”. So, today, I spent some time getting my medical degree via google, where I found that if it is either of the two above, the chance for anything malignant is very rare, as well as that both of them are not all that common.
Regardless, I just wanted some peace of mind today from happy-sweet-as-sugar-Ashley, and therefore my FNP, advising me of what to do about this. What is my treatment plan? I’m tired of stressing over something that apparently is nothing, but yet I feel it every time I sit, or sit and cross and uncross my legs, and or sneeze, or have a full bladder. I tell you the truth, that you do not realize how much you sit, until you realize that when you sit, you are uncomfortable. I’ve had this for sure since March, and who knows how long before that… I always thought the pains I was having in my left abdomen was due to gas! Good grief.
Tomorrow I am to call happy Ashley back, when she WILL be in the office, even though she was in the office when I called back tonight, just that they no longer accepted incoming calls because they were closed.
SO ANNOYED.
Thinking of getting another doctor.
Well, first thing, here is where I’m at with my Quaker Virtues sampler… I finally filled up my 11×11 work space and have since moved on and finally gotten to stitch the tree that I’ve been wanting to get to. I’ll take a snap of that once I stitch a little more around it to make it feel like it has friends.
On other fronts and news, I went for a repeat abdominal ultrasound to find out what my little ovarian cyst friend is doing and if it’s gone away. Nope. Still there. No change. Not smaller, not bigger. The same. What seems strange is that at my last ultrasound (which as number 3 so far in following this) which prompted the CT scan, my cyst was no longer ON my ovary, and now it is lateral to it. And with todays 4th ultrasound, my cyst is sitting happily in my abdomen lateral to my ovary by about 2 cm. The cyst itself measures 3.8cm by 3.6 cm by 4.2cm… will likely hear from my dr. on Monday on what should be done about this non-disappearing cyst. I’m irritated that it’s still there. For the most part it doesn’t bother me, except for the occasional twinge or twang of pain, but what really annoys me is that I can feel the pressure of it when I sit on the couch and stitch. What a bother.
In other news, I got the silks I wanted to start this beautiful pattern that I’ve had for about 6 months but have been waiting for the gumption to start. Origionally I was going to stitch with just DMC, but have since decided that since I am doing this for myself, I should of course do silks. It called for Eterna Silk mini-twists, which luckily were only $0.95 each at the treadexpress.com that made my day! The pattern is called Whispering Windmills by Full Circle Designs. I’m loving the colors and can’t wait to start this… I will enjoy the distraction and space from my Quaker Virtues… the color blue in that is beginning to bore me, so these silks will give my eyes a change of pace
Well, I’m signing off for now… fireworks tonight and then the car show this weekend. And heat? Did I mention the forcasted heat? Well, if I did not, I will not, because that would only mean one thing, that I don’t want you all to know…. ok, ok, if I must, I will share. Heat means setting up the Bonsia Double Drop Falls for the kids, it means nearly limitless amounts of Otter Pops for the kids and myself as compensation, as well as after dinner, the promise of a bowl of ice cream sitting in the shade on the porch in the back yard and then watching Alec and Adair run with glee to go jump on the trampoline after they’ve finished their ice cream… it’s a piece of heaven… I wish you all could see. So yes… the heat afterall is a segway into a slice of heaven…. you just have to have eyes to see it and a heart open to enjoy it.
blessings.
What a lovely day to be alive. Life is moving on, and today is a new day to experience all that it holds in mystery for us. Sun, heat, grass, smiles, laughter, butterflies and flowers are all around me. How could I not be thankful for such gifts? To not be thankful would to not have eyes to see…
